God Alone Will Satisfy

Sometimes I crave peace and contentment and freedom so much, and I don't know how to find it. God has to keep reminding me that what I really crave is him.

Even something as small as taking a few minutes to read a passage of Scripture or to say a silent prayer of thanks can make such a difference. I think perhaps the real reason is that these times allow me to remember God's presence with me.

Today I was reading from one of my favorite books, The Pursuit of God by A.W.Tozer. He writes, "The Bible is not an end in itself, but a means to bring men to an intimate and satisfying knowledge of God, that they may enter into Him, that they may delight in His Presence, may taste and know the inner sweetness of the very God Himself in the core and center of their hearts" (9).

What a gift it is to thirst for God and to find satisfaction in nothing apart from him!

Love & Personalities

I'm an ISFJ. This comes from the Myers-Briggs/Jung Personality test (http://typelogic.com/isfj.html) and (http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFJ.html). If you have taken it yourself, you may be able to tell whether we would get along well or not :) (http://www.socionics.com/rel/rel.htm).

Although I know this is only one test, I found it comforting to realize that much of how I see the world comes from how God created me. It was also reassuring to think about the variety of personalities he created and what a blessing this spectrum of perspectives can be. At the same time, it can also be frustrating when we see things or communicate differently than others. In these cases, it seems especially important to try to step into the other person's point of view. I have to constantly remind myself to seek understanding first.

Looking at the ways the personalities interact reminded me of another truth. Loving others and having deep, close relationships with others are two separate things. People will naturally connect differently depending on factors like their personalities. Yes, I know this seems obvious when written down, but it's amazing how often I expect to form great relationships with everyone I meet and then feel discouraged when it doesn't happen.

Maybe it's a function of MY personality, but I feel a need to love everyone I'm with to the best of my ability. I've discovered lately that this doesn't have to mean serving every need they have. This would not be a sustainable base for a friendship. I think Jesus exemplifies how to love everyone while still maintaining different levels of relationships with them.

"Needs"

Sometimes I forget how few things I really need.

Living in Minneapolis with a bike makes me more strategic about my shopping. Sometimes I can't get everything I need right away. I said "need" but I often come to find out that those things I thought I "needed" I can actually live just as well without.

I often struggle with spending money on things I don't actually need. It's so hard sometimes to decide what those things are. It seems that if I lived somewhere that limited my material possessions, I would be forced to make these decisions more often.

At the same time, I don't want spending to become consuming, like an idol where I focus too many thoughts and worries. Any advice?

Eyes on God

Although I'm adapting to the social life in Minneapolis, I still struggle sometimes with feeling uncomfortable in new situations. It's hard to remember to keep my eyes focused on God when I'm so unsure about what's going on around me.

Last night, I really sensed God telling me to wait on his guidance. He reminded me to have an attitude of surrender to him, living my life for him and not for me. An amzaing thing happened - I went out with friends, and I didn't feel self-conscious or worried like I often do! When I framed the night as a chance to love the people I was with according to how God showed me, my insecurities faded.

I wonder if this is a glimpse of what God desires for us always - to have such confidence and trust in him that we feel completely at peace. Somehow he reassured me throughout the night that as long as my eyes were on him, my actions would fall in line with honoring him. I didn't stress over doing the right things to please him. He took away that anxiety and replaced it with his presence.

Guiding the Blind

On one of the running paths by the Mississippi River, I have frequently seen a blind man and his female friend taking a walk. I started thinking after I passed them about how the woman guides her friend, talking with him and enjoying the time together (at least I picture her enjoying it).

I found myself relating to the blind man's position in my relationship with God. He faithfully walks with me everyday. Because of my forgetfulness, we often walk the same paths of learning as he patiently guides me and teaches me. I don't like feeling blind, not knowing what is to come. I want to be in control.

I must admit, however, that I need God to guide me and keep me on the right path. Today I noticed the woman gently prod her friend as he strayed from their path. God constantly does the same with me, although sometimes it take more than just a small prod. He never leaves my side. As he walks with me, I get to enjoy the companionship of livng with him. The woman does not join her friend just to tell him where to go. From my point of view, it seemed like they desired the deepening of their relationship that came along with the time they spent walking with each other. In the same way, I get to enjoy growing closer to God while he guides me.

Forgiveness

Today I took longer that I expected buying groceries after work, and my roommates had to wait on me to go home. I felt so awful that they had to wait because I should have taken the bus and let them go home without me. I learned what to do for next time, but I still hated making them upset, annoyed, frustrated with me. What I wanted more than anything was to know they forgave me. I desperately wanted to do something for them in return for what happened. I felt indebted to them for putting my needs ahead of theirs.

Lately I've been trying to focus on others more than myself, especially with how to serve my roommates like Jesus served others. Today I ended up doing the exact opposite, and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

The experience reminded me of how little I realize the size of the debt Jesus paid for me, and how I should feel so much more indebted to him. I should want to give my whole life to him, just like I wanted to give something to my roommates whom I had wronged. It's amazing to think that God completely forgave me without me having to do anything. After feeling the incredible need for forgiveness from my roommates, I appreciated God's grace with a new perspective. Although I know I will keep making mistakes like this one, I can always depend on God to forgive me because he already has. I just cannot express what a relief this is, and I know I don't even comprehend it completely!

Strength from Hope

Last night as I went to bed, I was feeling so worn out from this first week at Target. I read Isaiah 40, and the part that stood out to me most was how those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. It gave me such comfort to write down a list of my worries and then think about finding hope in God ease all of them. Although I was feeling down and unsettled, my spirit was lifted just by refocusing on God. It's funny how sometimes all it takes is turning my eyes from the "waves" around me to focus on him again so that I can keep walking on water toward him.

In This Moment

Have you ever stopped for a second to take a big breath? Sometimes when I do this, I realize how rushed I have been or how little time I spend focusing on the moment I'm living right now instead of on things in the past or in the future.

God has been teaching me about how to live one moment at a time. It's so easy to forget! Whenever I do remember, though, it's such a freeing feeling. Right here, right now, I am loved and redeemed. I look to God and focus on following him in this moment, waiting on his guidance. His nearness is my strength (Psalm 73).

I just arrived in Minneapolis yesterday, and I start work tomorrow. I have felt so overwhelmed by so many new things, but it helps to know that all I have to do is look to God in this moment. I'm so glad that I can rest in the strength of his presence knowing that each moment he will be there to guide me.

Living in the moment helps me relax and be able to enjoy living, too. It's like when the mother in My Big Fat Greek Wedding says, "I gave you life so that you could live it." I think God has done the same for us. He freed us to live in freedom. Letting go of things I can't control, like all the moments yet to come, is freeing for me.

How Big is Our God

The other night, as I brushed my teeth and got ready for bed, I thought about how big God must be and how hard it is for me to even comprehend that. It was frustrating at first to realize that I don't give his greatness nearly the credit it deserves.

Then I started thinking about how maybe just acknowledging that God is so much bigger than I can grasp is all I can do.

In Mister God, This is Anna, five-year-old Anna explains that when we try to understand God, we make him small, and we decrease the difference between us. She says once we finally admit that we don't understand God at all, we give him the freedom to be who he really is, which the very meaning of love. At this point, he becomes his proper size (Fynn 174).

The idea that God is so great makes me appreciate even more how he makes himself small for me. He teaches me through ways I can understand, giving me just as much as my mind can handle at one time. He reveals himself to me in the small things. It's amazing how he knows just how to do this.

Reign in Me

I've been thinking lately about the passage in Matthew 6 that tells us not to worry but instead to "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness" (6:33). I wanted a little more explanation about what that looked like.

Using StumbleUpon, I found a site called Biblos.com that is amazing! It gave me a little more insight about this passage by explaining it a little differently. One of the commentaries said seeking the kingdom means letting God reign in our hearts. When I turn over control to him, then his righteousness covers me.

This website also gives the original Latin or Greek words in the passage, what they mean, and where else to find them, which can be really helpful.

A Generous Spirit

Last night as my teammates and I left Carrabba's, we walked past a man sitting at the side of the road. One of the girls turned and offered him her take-out box with her left-over pizza. It was such a simple act but so full of kindness and generosity. It was like she didn't have to give it a second thought; it was just the obvious thing for her to do.

How great it is to notice goodness in other people. It makes me want to have that spirit of being so ready and willing to give to others that it becomes second nature. Maybe the more I'm filled with God's spirit, the more I will have his eyes to see opportunities like this.

The Love Languages

You may have heard of a book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The author describes five different ways that people communicate love: acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, and gifts. His idea is that people often show and receive love in different ways, which may cause difficulties in communicating.

God tells us to love one another, but I often find myself frustrated when I don't know how. I know I have to trust him that he will show me, and I think one way that he does is through teaching me new ways to think about loving others, like with the ideas from this author. Although not exclusive, I've still found his thoughts very helpful.

Although I think we may need all of them at different times, it is interesting to learn more about how to communicate love with those around us. I have tried to figure out the stronger love languages of my friends and family just to remind myself that they may need love in a way that does not come as natural to me.

I think it's important to ask people how they feel most loved as well. Something like quality time may look like a good conversation to one person while it may look like two people simply enjoying one another's presence in silence to another.

Noticing Beauty

One thing I love about creating art is how it teaches me to be more attentive. One of the greatest things I gained from my Drawing I class this past semester was better observational skills.

When I draw or paint, I pay attention to the little details like the variety of shapes and colors in my subject. Art helps me recognize beauty in the simple, everyday things that I often miss, like how light falls on a person's face.

I know the saying "Stop and smell the roses" sounds cliche, but I know I should heed it's advice more often. Sometimes I have to remind myself to look up at the sunlight streaming through tree leaves as I walk across campus or to notice the pattern of shadows they make across the ground.

This excerpt is from Mister God, This is Anna by Fynn. Five-year-old Anna cries out to her companion Fynn, a brotherly figure of about twenty, that people pass by without seeing the broken iron stump that she sees:

Anna's misery was for others. They just could not see the beauty of that broken iron stump, the colours, the crystalline shapes; they could not see the possibilities there. Anna wanted them to join with her in this exciting new world but they could not imagine themselves to be so small that this jagged fracture could become a world of iron mountains, of iron plains with crystal trees. It was a new world to explore, a world of the imagination, a world where few people could or would follow her. In this broken-off stump was a whole new realm of possibilities to be explored and to be enjoyed

Mister God most certainly enjoyed it, but then Mister God didn't at all mind making himself small. People thought that Mister God was very big and that's where they made a big mistake. Obviously Mister God could be any size he wanted to be. 'If he couldn't be little, how could he know what it's like to be a ladybird?' Indeed, how could he? So, like Alice in Wonderland, Anna ate of the cake of imagination and altered her size to fit the occasion. After all, Mister God did not have only one point of view, but an infinity of viewing points.

Feelings Will Follow

In Christian Soup for the Christian Soul, Corrie ten Boom tells a story about when she faced a concentration camp officer years after the Holocaust. Though he did not remember her, he asked for her to forgive him. Corrie describes how all of her emotions fought so strongly against wanting to forgive, yet her mind knew she must ("But if you do not forgive men their sins, your father will not forgive your sins").

As soon as Corrie shook his outstretched hand, she immediately felt healing warmth and an overwhelming love that was not her own flow through her.

So often I find myself not feeling like loving someone. Corrie's story shows how God has given us a will that rules over our feelings. He asks us to obey him first, regardless of our emotions. When we do, however, the feeling of love may often follow. C.S. Lewis says that when we act like we love someone, soon we start to actually feel like we love that person.

I don't have to get frustrated or feel guilty when I don't feel loving. Instead, I just have to follow God as he shows me how to love them. Hopefully, the feelings will follow. If not, I know I am still loving God by obeying him. He has the power to love through us that I will never be able to muster up on my own.

Lavish Grace

My devotional yesterday (Matthew 20:1-16) was about showing grace in difficult situations so that people would know God's grace through my actions. Five minutes later, I had the opportunity to show grace, and I blew it.

My sister came home and discovered someone (me) had eaten her leftovers that she was saving. I had not known they were hers, but instead of just humbly apologizing, I got defensive, lashed back, and left upset and unforgiving. It would have helped if I could have just taken one minute to see from her perspective before automatically trying to defend mine.

We later talked and reconciled, but it still reminded me how much I still needed grace. Moments after reading about God's grace to us, I couldn't even show it to my sister, whom I love so much. How much greater must God's grace be to give it unconditionally and generously to his undeserving children like me.

Do I have what it takes?

I race in NCAA track regionals next week, and I can't help but feel a little anxious. Often before a meet, I start doubting whether I will be able to perform to certain expectations. Sometimes I let the pressure and worry take away from the joy of the experience, which I think can happen in other areas of life, too.

Have you ever asked yourself, "Am I going to be good enough? Do I have what it takes? What if I fail?" Diane Gulyas, president of DuPont Performance Polymers, said the experiences where you learn the most are the ones with a chance that you will fail.

Still, I'd rather have confidence going into the race. Yesterday on my run, I started thinking about how God has already given me everything I need to serve his purposes, which includes running. I don't have to worry about my performance because I have confidence that I am ready for how he wants to use me (thanks to his work in me), and that's all that matters.

Maybe I've been asking, "Do I have what it takes...to accomplish my purposes?" to which the answer is uncertain, instead of asking, "Do I have what it takes...to accomplish God's purposes?" The answer to this one is always a resounding YES!

"This is my desire, to be used by You." -Jeremy Camp

Despite Obstacles

The power of life and energy God gives us can help us grow - even through brick walls.

-Eduard Khegay (Moscow, Russia) The Upper Room May 20, 2010

"Whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance." -James 1:2-3 (NRSV)

In his book The Last Lecture, Randy Pausch says brick walls only exist to show you how badly you want something. With God we know anything is possible. He wants to give us the power to grow in Him through the challenges we face.

Sometimes I struggle with my running performance when it doesn't measure up to what I want. It's a good reminder that I run for God, and not for myself. If like Paul says in Philippians that knowing Him more is all that matters, then my success in running doesn't come from hitting a certain time but rather through the growth that happens when I keep my face turned toward Him through every obstacle.