Sometimes I crave peace and contentment and freedom so much, and I don't know how to find it. God has to keep reminding me that what I really crave is him.
Even something as small as taking a few minutes to read a passage of Scripture or to say a silent prayer of thanks can make such a difference. I think perhaps the real reason is that these times allow me to remember God's presence with me.
Today I was reading from one of my favorite books, The Pursuit of God by A.W.Tozer. He writes, "The Bible is not an end in itself, but a means to bring men to an intimate and satisfying knowledge of God, that they may enter into Him, that they may delight in His Presence, may taste and know the inner sweetness of the very God Himself in the core and center of their hearts" (9).
What a gift it is to thirst for God and to find satisfaction in nothing apart from him!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Love & Personalities
I'm an ISFJ. This comes from the Myers-Briggs/Jung Personality test (http://typelogic.com/isfj.html) and (http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFJ.html). If you have taken it yourself, you may be able to tell whether we would get along well or not :) (http://www.socionics.com/rel/rel.htm).
Although I know this is only one test, I found it comforting to realize that much of how I see the world comes from how God created me. It was also reassuring to think about the variety of personalities he created and what a blessing this spectrum of perspectives can be. At the same time, it can also be frustrating when we see things or communicate differently than others. In these cases, it seems especially important to try to step into the other person's point of view. I have to constantly remind myself to seek understanding first.
Looking at the ways the personalities interact reminded me of another truth. Loving others and having deep, close relationships with others are two separate things. People will naturally connect differently depending on factors like their personalities. Yes, I know this seems obvious when written down, but it's amazing how often I expect to form great relationships with everyone I meet and then feel discouraged when it doesn't happen.
Maybe it's a function of MY personality, but I feel a need to love everyone I'm with to the best of my ability. I've discovered lately that this doesn't have to mean serving every need they have. This would not be a sustainable base for a friendship. I think Jesus exemplifies how to love everyone while still maintaining different levels of relationships with them.
Although I know this is only one test, I found it comforting to realize that much of how I see the world comes from how God created me. It was also reassuring to think about the variety of personalities he created and what a blessing this spectrum of perspectives can be. At the same time, it can also be frustrating when we see things or communicate differently than others. In these cases, it seems especially important to try to step into the other person's point of view. I have to constantly remind myself to seek understanding first.
Looking at the ways the personalities interact reminded me of another truth. Loving others and having deep, close relationships with others are two separate things. People will naturally connect differently depending on factors like their personalities. Yes, I know this seems obvious when written down, but it's amazing how often I expect to form great relationships with everyone I meet and then feel discouraged when it doesn't happen.
Maybe it's a function of MY personality, but I feel a need to love everyone I'm with to the best of my ability. I've discovered lately that this doesn't have to mean serving every need they have. This would not be a sustainable base for a friendship. I think Jesus exemplifies how to love everyone while still maintaining different levels of relationships with them.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
"Needs"
Sometimes I forget how few things I really need.
Living in Minneapolis with a bike makes me more strategic about my shopping. Sometimes I can't get everything I need right away. I said "need" but I often come to find out that those things I thought I "needed" I can actually live just as well without.
I often struggle with spending money on things I don't actually need. It's so hard sometimes to decide what those things are. It seems that if I lived somewhere that limited my material possessions, I would be forced to make these decisions more often.
At the same time, I don't want spending to become consuming, like an idol where I focus too many thoughts and worries. Any advice?
Living in Minneapolis with a bike makes me more strategic about my shopping. Sometimes I can't get everything I need right away. I said "need" but I often come to find out that those things I thought I "needed" I can actually live just as well without.
I often struggle with spending money on things I don't actually need. It's so hard sometimes to decide what those things are. It seems that if I lived somewhere that limited my material possessions, I would be forced to make these decisions more often.
At the same time, I don't want spending to become consuming, like an idol where I focus too many thoughts and worries. Any advice?
Friday, July 2, 2010
Eyes on God
Although I'm adapting to the social life in Minneapolis, I still struggle sometimes with feeling uncomfortable in new situations. It's hard to remember to keep my eyes focused on God when I'm so unsure about what's going on around me.
Last night, I really sensed God telling me to wait on his guidance. He reminded me to have an attitude of surrender to him, living my life for him and not for me. An amzaing thing happened - I went out with friends, and I didn't feel self-conscious or worried like I often do! When I framed the night as a chance to love the people I was with according to how God showed me, my insecurities faded.
I wonder if this is a glimpse of what God desires for us always - to have such confidence and trust in him that we feel completely at peace. Somehow he reassured me throughout the night that as long as my eyes were on him, my actions would fall in line with honoring him. I didn't stress over doing the right things to please him. He took away that anxiety and replaced it with his presence.
Last night, I really sensed God telling me to wait on his guidance. He reminded me to have an attitude of surrender to him, living my life for him and not for me. An amzaing thing happened - I went out with friends, and I didn't feel self-conscious or worried like I often do! When I framed the night as a chance to love the people I was with according to how God showed me, my insecurities faded.
I wonder if this is a glimpse of what God desires for us always - to have such confidence and trust in him that we feel completely at peace. Somehow he reassured me throughout the night that as long as my eyes were on him, my actions would fall in line with honoring him. I didn't stress over doing the right things to please him. He took away that anxiety and replaced it with his presence.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Guiding the Blind
On one of the running paths by the Mississippi River, I have frequently seen a blind man and his female friend taking a walk. I started thinking after I passed them about how the woman guides her friend, talking with him and enjoying the time together (at least I picture her enjoying it).
I found myself relating to the blind man's position in my relationship with God. He faithfully walks with me everyday. Because of my forgetfulness, we often walk the same paths of learning as he patiently guides me and teaches me. I don't like feeling blind, not knowing what is to come. I want to be in control.
I must admit, however, that I need God to guide me and keep me on the right path. Today I noticed the woman gently prod her friend as he strayed from their path. God constantly does the same with me, although sometimes it take more than just a small prod. He never leaves my side. As he walks with me, I get to enjoy the companionship of livng with him. The woman does not join her friend just to tell him where to go. From my point of view, it seemed like they desired the deepening of their relationship that came along with the time they spent walking with each other. In the same way, I get to enjoy growing closer to God while he guides me.
I found myself relating to the blind man's position in my relationship with God. He faithfully walks with me everyday. Because of my forgetfulness, we often walk the same paths of learning as he patiently guides me and teaches me. I don't like feeling blind, not knowing what is to come. I want to be in control.
I must admit, however, that I need God to guide me and keep me on the right path. Today I noticed the woman gently prod her friend as he strayed from their path. God constantly does the same with me, although sometimes it take more than just a small prod. He never leaves my side. As he walks with me, I get to enjoy the companionship of livng with him. The woman does not join her friend just to tell him where to go. From my point of view, it seemed like they desired the deepening of their relationship that came along with the time they spent walking with each other. In the same way, I get to enjoy growing closer to God while he guides me.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Forgiveness
Today I took longer that I expected buying groceries after work, and my roommates had to wait on me to go home. I felt so awful that they had to wait because I should have taken the bus and let them go home without me. I learned what to do for next time, but I still hated making them upset, annoyed, frustrated with me. What I wanted more than anything was to know they forgave me. I desperately wanted to do something for them in return for what happened. I felt indebted to them for putting my needs ahead of theirs.
Lately I've been trying to focus on others more than myself, especially with how to serve my roommates like Jesus served others. Today I ended up doing the exact opposite, and I couldn't stop thinking about it.
The experience reminded me of how little I realize the size of the debt Jesus paid for me, and how I should feel so much more indebted to him. I should want to give my whole life to him, just like I wanted to give something to my roommates whom I had wronged. It's amazing to think that God completely forgave me without me having to do anything. After feeling the incredible need for forgiveness from my roommates, I appreciated God's grace with a new perspective. Although I know I will keep making mistakes like this one, I can always depend on God to forgive me because he already has. I just cannot express what a relief this is, and I know I don't even comprehend it completely!
Lately I've been trying to focus on others more than myself, especially with how to serve my roommates like Jesus served others. Today I ended up doing the exact opposite, and I couldn't stop thinking about it.
The experience reminded me of how little I realize the size of the debt Jesus paid for me, and how I should feel so much more indebted to him. I should want to give my whole life to him, just like I wanted to give something to my roommates whom I had wronged. It's amazing to think that God completely forgave me without me having to do anything. After feeling the incredible need for forgiveness from my roommates, I appreciated God's grace with a new perspective. Although I know I will keep making mistakes like this one, I can always depend on God to forgive me because he already has. I just cannot express what a relief this is, and I know I don't even comprehend it completely!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Strength from Hope
Last night as I went to bed, I was feeling so worn out from this first week at Target. I read Isaiah 40, and the part that stood out to me most was how those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. It gave me such comfort to write down a list of my worries and then think about finding hope in God ease all of them. Although I was feeling down and unsettled, my spirit was lifted just by refocusing on God. It's funny how sometimes all it takes is turning my eyes from the "waves" around me to focus on him again so that I can keep walking on water toward him.
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